Heavy-Handed Politics posts a trifecta of hilarity that I had to share with all of you.
First up is some sage political wisdom from the surly matriarch everyone can’t help but love, Maxine:
Equally as funny are a series of ‘Hillaryisms‘. Here are a couple of my favorites (but there’s a lot more, so go check ’em out):
Hillary Clinton said that her childhood dream was to be an Olympic athlete. But she was not athletic enough. She said she wanted to be an astronaut, but at the time they didn’t take women. She said she wanted to go into medicine, but hospitals made her woozy. Should she be telling people this story? I mean she’s basically saying she wants to be president because she can’t do anything else.” — Jay Leno
“Top Democrats have mixed feelings about Sen. Hillary Clinton running for president. Apparently, some Democrats don’t like the idea, while others hate it.” — Conan O’Brien
“Former President Bill Clinton said that if his wife, Hillary, is elected president, he will do whatever she wants. You know Bill Clinton – when he makes a vow to Hillary, you can take that to the bank.” — Jay Leno
“A student from the University of Washington has sold his soul on eBay for $400. He’s a law student, so he probably doesn’t need it, but still, that’s not very much. Today, Hillary Clinton said, ‘Hey, at least I got some furniture and a Senate seat for mine.'” — Jay Leno
“Hillary Clinton is the junior senator from the great state of New York . When they swore her in, she used the Clinton family Bible, the one with only seven commandments.” — David Letterman
Finally, there is a list of new words for the English language, created by modifying an existing word by one letter. Again, here are some favorites, but go check ’em all out:
Cashtration: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.