Election Humor

Throughout all the serious intensity of the election, it's good to remember to laugh.  I've recently received three great jokes that I wanted to pass along.  Enjoy!

Joke #1…

Riddle for the  Day


Hillary, Biden and Obama were on a  donkey, at the edge of a cliff.
The donkey got spooked and jumped off the cliff.
Who was  saved?

Answer:

AMERICA

Okay, yeah, that was a groaner, but the other two are pretty good.  🙂

Joke #2…

Sarah Palin is invited to meet with the Pope while he is vacationing north of Rome in Venice.


The press reluctantly watches the semi-private audience, hoping they will be able to allot minimal coverage, if any.


The Pope asks Governor Palin to join him on a Gondola ride through the canals of Venice.


They're admiring the sights and agreeing on moral issues when all of a sudden, the Pope's hat (zucchetto) blows off his head and out into the water.


The gondolier starts to reach for the Pontiff's cap with his pole, but this move threatens to overturn the floating craft.


Sarah waves the tour guide off, saying, 'Wait, wait. I'll take care of this. Don't worry.'


She steps off the gondola onto the surface of the water and walks out to the Pope's hat, bends over and picks it up. She walks back across the water to the gondola and steps aboard.


She hands the hat to the Pope amid stunned silence.


The next morning the topic of conversation among Democrats in Congress, CBS News, NBC News, ABC News, CNN, The New York Times, Hollywood celebrities, and in France and Germany is:

 

'Palin Can't Swim!'

Joke #3…

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.  His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

“Welcome to Heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem.  We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.”

“No problem, just let me in,” says the man.

“Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up.  What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven.  Then you can choose where to spend eternity.”

“Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven,” says the senator.

“I'm sorry, but we have our rules.”

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell.  The doors open and the Senator finds himself in the middle of a green golf course.  In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.  Everyone is very happy and in evening dress.

They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.  They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes.

They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.  Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises…

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

“Now it's time to visit Heaven.”

So, 24 hours pass with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing.  They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

“Well, then, you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven.  Now choose your eternity.”

The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: “Well, I would never have said it before, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in Hell.”

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.  The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.

“I don't understand,” stammers the Senator.

“Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time.  Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.  What happened?”

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, “Yesterday we were campaigning.  Today you voted.”

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About

I'm a gun-owning, Bible-thumping, bitter clinger conservative in the heartland. You can disagree with me if you want (you do, after all, have a right to be wrong)...just don't be rude or stupid and we'll get along just fine! :)

Posted in General Politics, Uncategorized

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